Tom McLaughlin [01/05/2008]

By Tom McLaughlin

Theres a need out there and I have undertaken to fill it. Therefore, its my great pleasure to announce the formation of the Heterosexual White Guy Journalists Association, or HWGJA (hah-wug-jah). Minorities have taken steps to improve the way theyre portrayed in media and now its our turn. A few examples:Theres the Association for Women Journalists on whose Web site it says: AWJ promotes the fair treatment of women in the media and the promotion of women in the newsroom through a scholarship program, career grants, networking, advocacy, career seminars . . .Then theres the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association which proclaims: NLGJA is an organization of journalists, media professionals, educators and students that works within the news industry to foster fair and accurate coverage of LGBT issues. In case youre not hip to what LGBT means, its Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender. That last is a new word for what we use to call a transvestite or a cross-dresser, or it could mean someone whose gone even further and had plastic surgery to either remove a penis or implant a facsimile.Theres the National Association of Black Journalists, the National Association of Hispanic Journalists, the Native American Journalists Association, and get this both the Asian American Journalists Association and the South Asian Journalists Association. Whats up with that? Why is there a need for two Asian Journalists Associations? Cant the AAJA just have a department like the South Asian Subcommittee or something like that? As founder and president of HWGJA, I intend to form special departments like the Republican Bureau (wouldnt be any need for a Democrat bureau see explanation below), the Jock Committee, the Redneck Panel, and the Unmedicated ADHD Task Force. I dont know if the task force ever get anything accomplished, but theyll certainly be active.As HWGJA president, I intend to apply for membership in the National Association of Minority Media Executives, or NAAME (nah-mee). I know what youre thinking: heterosexual white guys are in the majority, right? Well, if NAAME refuses me membership I intend to sue, just as soon as HWGJA gets a legal department. Ive already done the research into our minority status and my conclusion is that heterosexual white guys are definitely outnumbered in the profession. Take television journalism, for instance. Youll have a hard time convincing me that Matt Lauer is exclusively heterosexual. No HWG gets excited about the latest designs in wedding dresses like Matt does. And when hes not there, David Gregory fills in. Ever see Mr. Gregory sashaying to music with Meredith and Al outside the studio in New York City? At best, Lauer and Gregory are metrosexuals. Theyve had so much makeup applied to them so often, somethings happened to them. Males on other networks seem little better. We HWGs are definitely in the minority.White metrosexual journalists covering Washington, D.C. are overwhelmingly Democrats and that party has become anathema to HWGs. That wasnt always true, but HWGs have been leaving for about 30 years now and I dont think there are any left. Thomas Edsall at The Huffington Post organized a forum recently, asking: Should the Dems love white guys or dump them? Edsall was referring to HWGs of course because homosexual men have always been strong Democrats. Various non-HWGs weighed in and the consensus was: Who needs them? Theyre a shrinking demographic anyway, so let them go.Advocacy groups object when media depicts members unfavorably, whether it be a black, Hispanic, homosexual, female, Asian, Muslim Arab, or whomever. Amos and Andy is out. So are Brer Rabbit, Little Black Sambo, and Speedy Gonzalezs cartoon-character sidekick Slowpoke Rodrigues. Textbook publishers can only use images that depict minorities as the advocacy groups insist. Asians cannot be shown in laundries or as academics. Women cannot be portrayed as nurses or receptionists or caring for children. Blacks cant be shown in an urban environment. All images must be counter to stereotype, even if the stereotype is accurate and substitute images distort reality.Heterosexual white guys are the only ones left, so were depicted as heartless oppressors of everyone else in history textbooks. Were selfish and stupid on television like Homer Simpson or Family Guy. As school boys, were diagnosed with ADHD and force-fed amphetamines. At the other end of things, our life expectancy is shorter than that of women. In between, were expected to keep everything running while all the other groups whine. My goal for the HWGJA, however, is not to complain about our circumstances like the other groups do. Heck no. Homer Simpson is funny. So is Family Guy. They wouldnt be funny unless there were some basis in reality for their antics. My goal is to maintain a HWG sense of humor and provide a contrast to those other groups who desperately need to lighten up. Then we have to laugh at hyper-PC groups when they feign outrage and indignation. Its the only way. Tom McLaughlin is a teacher and columnist who lives in Lovell, Maine. He can be reached on his blog at http://tommclaughlin.blogspot.com