Manners and More: The magic of Tinker Bell [10/20/2007]

By Christine Kurtz-White

M&M has been an alumna of Connecticut College for more years than she can believe. It used to be For Women but has been coed for about 25 years plus. The change has worked well, and her memories of that magnificent campus and the super-bright women and professors who dared her to learn created memories that still shine brightly and pull her through all the challenges and demands that life has a way of handing us. Currently, M&M is the class president, and has been for the past two years with three more to go. Its a clever system designed by the college to keep alumni in touch and is rotated every five years. At this time, M&M is primarily a gatekeeper that is, she feels like one! She is the first to be informed of the death of a classmate; then its up to her to send the deceaseds family the classs condolences. At first, she handled her responsibilities without becoming sad and morose. But now, hardly a week goes by that she doesnt receive news of one, sometimes two, deaths. This past week, two good friends with whom she had stayed in touch died. They had celebrated their 50th college reunion together in 2000 and, frankly, she felt it was a relationship that would continue for much longer. The one loss that hit her particularly hard was her freshman-year roommate who attended Connecticut for only two years, but who celebrated the college and the friends she made while there all though the intervening years until her death. She was not comfortable with the academic demands of Connecticut but she made lasting friendships that were special to her over the years. Her given name was Eloise, but because she was so tiny and doll-like at birth, her parents nicknamed her Tinker after Peter Pans Tinker Bell. She truly was a beautiful woman and she played her role to the hilt: Everything about her and her possessions were expensively obvious which fact she had the habit of reminding people. Her father was a highly successful doctor in Pennsylvania and provided well for his family, and her destiny was that of the spoiled little rich girl. Yet her classmates accepted her and made her one of their own.As the two roommates settled in, M&M learned more about Tinkers upbringing. She was lavished with beautiful clothes and privileges only wealthy children receive especially when the parents had wanted to be blessed with a child for so many years. When she finally did arrive, there was great joy and thankfulness. Tinkers mother, on meeting M&Ms mother, described how difficult it was to birth her: Her labor pains were terrible, but she thanked the Lord for every blessed one. M&M has gone to great lengths to emphasize the drama of Tinkers birth because it was a desolate Tinker who returned to college after their first Christmas vacation when a mean-hearted relative revealed to her that she was adopted; she was not the deeply desired baby who had given her mother such memorable labor pains. Now, her search for her natural parents became her obsession. Her adoptive parents were worn down by her grief and finally told her they adopted her from a highly regarded orphanage in Chicago. M&M does not recall if Tinker pursued the search for her true parents. But this was only the beginning of the saga of a beautiful young woman and the anguish and heartbreak that life would bring her. M&Ms friendship with her did not deepen very much during that one year of living together, but they did keep up with each other over the years. Leaving Connecticut, she was admitted to a prestigious secretarial school in New York. She never did hold a job, instead married a man she hardly knew and bore a handicapped child whom she tended until the girls death at 36. That marriage ended in divorce and left her with her daughter to care for alone.Eventually, she met and married a doctor and they moved to Michigan, where he established a reputation as a brilliant internist. Three healthy babies were born, much to their joy. The marriage was a happy one and her husband lovingly accepted the role of doting mate and provided for her every need. They and the children visited M&M and her family when they were on holiday in Miami Beach. They were regaled with a huge picnic, lots of dogs and a crazy bunch of Kurtz kids. It was great fun!Tinker never relinquished her princess role and remained beautiful and pampered throughout her life. News of her death has greatly saddened M&M. M&M guesses the magic of Tinker was that she mastered what so few people manage to do: She unwittingly provided a template for success without apology.M&M will miss her dear little Tinker and will forever be grateful that she was part of her life!