Iron butterflies, steel magnolias

By Christine Kurtz-White

Recently, as M&M skimmed amazon.com for books on etiquette, she came across a title shed not encountered before: "What Southern Women Know (That Every Woman Should)." M&Ms immediate reaction: She had to have that book!And she had to have it as soon as possible! With the revelation that such a book had been written and published she started experiencing flashbacks of her life that brought on intense introspection of the person she had become.You see, she was a Southern woman, born, bred, raised and educated to be just that: the archetypal Southern woman. Both of her parents were Deep Southerners. And it was Jimmy Carters presidency that focused the worlds attention on his southern upbringing and, especially, his mother and her southern aphorisms. My mother spoke the same countrified language that could paint a vivid picture with a few choice words.Take Tacky As Homemade Sin," as just one example of the colorful language of genuine Southerners even today. And, despite careful mental editing, M&M realizes that her speech is peppered with many phrasings she unconsciously absorbed from her mother.When M&M was accepted at a Northeastern college, she resolved to rid herself of her southern drawl (referred to by the author as a honeysuckle drawl) by signing up for a speech course. In later years, she was not so sure she had done the right thing. Why? Because, as her life unfolded, she realized the southern legacy her parents had so carefully instilled in her was actually the foundation of everything she thought and did. And she has grown to be proud of that heritage.Now, to get to the point of this book, What Southern Women Know," etc., it is a delightful compendium of the how-to of proper etiquette. Its a fluid read filled with the wisdom and humor of a Southern woman, illustrated with chatty case histories that happen to be true.When M&M uses the term humor," she means laughing-out-loud humor. Somehow, Southern women learn early on that laughter is the essence of successful relationships, in family, social and business life. In the authors list of Southern Truths For Daily Living," the 11 truths are stated in a sprightly, but not to be taken lightly, manner. For instance: A woman can be both tough and nice." Men love strong, feminine women." Kindness and compassion are never out of date or out of style." "Laugh at lifes upsets and turn them to your advantage."Southern women are often called iron butterflies or steel magnolias because a hurricane of hurt or a tornado of emotional havoc cannot harm these indestructible females. Why? Simple. We Southern women can throw a shield of impenetrable protection around our soft hearts quicker than Tennessee Williams could down a bottle of wine, states the author, Ronda Rich. M&M used to describe her mother as a classic Southern Belle with iron fists in velvet gloves; in actuality, she was a forerunner of the Steel Magnolias!The Atlanta Journal-Constitution hailed the book saying Scarlett OHara couldnt have said it better. M&M agrees. his engaging, at times hilarious, manners manual is perhaps the quickest and easiest way to digest the basics of etiquette for men as well as women. Christine Kurtz-White can be reached at kurtzwhite@adelphia.net.