I hit the linen sales over the long weekend — an undertaking that I, in my naiveté, believed would require little more than a commitment to percale or sateen and an understanding of deep pockets. Wrong! I came away with more questions than answers. For instance, what's the difference between a regular and a California king mattress? (And which is mine?) Why is there a California king? This bed is longer and narrower than a standard king. Is it because Californians tend to be tall and thin?

I probed further to discover Texas has made a bid for the king title. Of course it has! Hardly surprising, a Texas king is larger, measuring 8 inches wider and 14 inches longer than a California, begging the question, exactly how large are Texans? Is it that they sleep in their 10-gallon hats? Or do they need oversized beds to contain oversized egos? (Before you come after me, know that my mother's family hails from Texas and most are still there, both atop and beneath the soil.)

Lesser known kings are the Alaskan and the Wyoming. At 84 by 84 inches, Wyoming is no Texas. The Alaskan king, however, dwarfs them all, measuring 108 by 108. Take that, Texas!

Great news for those seeking "the most comfortable sheets you'll ever own." Mike Lindell offers this guarantee, and a promo code reveals discounts on everything on the My Pillow website, including all six versions of Mike's book, "What Are the Odds?"

Yes, Mike offers more options than merely hard and soft cover. There's the prison-approved version with a non-holographic cover. (Indeed, what are the odds?) The website states, "Due to the holographic cover this will not be accepted into prisons." This guy has thought of everything! Talk about inclusiveness! Although I haven't found any information about prisons banning holographic books, I'm buying the prison-approved version just in case.

OMG, My Pillow makes dog beds! And they're a great price! If I order five My Pillow dog beds using an alias, will the UPS guy know it's me?

Sadly, back in January Mike was permanently banned from Twitter. Does Marjorie Taylor Greene sleep on a My Pillow? Will MTG be banned from Twitter as well for, among other things, retweeting a post calling Kevin McCarthy "a feckless c***? And does she know the meaning of "feckless"? For that matter, does she know the meaning of "c***"? It's just that it doesn't really seem to apply to Kevin McCarthy. Well, feckless does. It's the second part I'm wondering about. Unless there's something Kev's not telling us.

It was relayed to me (as I wasn't present) that my husband, before he was my husband, used this term (not the feckless part) in a tongue-lashing issued in defense of my character. Oddly enough, for this he was my hero! While I'm not ordinarily a fan of the word, my understanding is that in this particular case it was well warranted. I'm relatively certain he has used it neither before nor since.

In addition to white sales, the long weekend saw Brood X cicadas emerging in full force, and the weekend kicked off with senate Republicans quashing the formation of a bipartisan commission to study what happened at the Capitol on Jan. 6. Is it my delicate nature, or was that Capitol "tour" rowdier than most?

Ci-cay-das, ci-cah-das/Republicans, WTF??? Cicadas are invertebrates that molt their exoskeletons. It seems the majority of today's Republicans are also invertebrates in dire need of molting their Donald Trump exoskeletons.

In local news, as Conway was revving up to implement its non-resident $20 parking debacle this weekend, the town was bitch-slapped by the town of Fryeburg.

Weston's Beach has no shortage of tourists, and certainly fell victim to a similar degree of problematic tourist conduct last summer. Fryeburg has chosen to erect a sign requesting that visitors respect the property.

According to the Daily Sun, at last Friday's Fryeburg selectman's meeting, Selectman Kimberly Clark said, “Fryeburg’s response is that ... we welcome everybody who respects our beach, we welcome people.” In contrast, Conway's response was called "an abomination." Booyah!

I did the math, and if the Memorial Day cash intake of $20 (this is not a typo) is indicative of the rest of the summer, Conway is looking at a 91 percent overall loss. Is anyone surprised? Can we roll this back now, before tax bills surge?

Jonna Carter lives in South Conway with her husband and five crazy rescue dogs.

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(2) comments

DavefromConway

I'm put off by your use of the 'C' word, albeit with the letters *****asterisked out. Also, daily sun, why allow the use of even the redacted word? Also, her use of WTF? Isn't this a family newspaper? Classless.

RetVet

Well, two things come to mind:

1) You should stop trying to be satirical, because you're not very good at it. Instead you come off peevish and snide.

2) You should turn off the TV or your computer and get out more. Maybe even engage in some real live conversation with real live people. And if you want to be really adventurous, talk to a few people that maybe don't agree with you and see if they are the demons you believe them to be.

If not, consider seeking professional help. Your TDS is in need of treatment.

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