north-conway-grand-market basket

Market Basket has purchased North Conway Grand and will tear the building down to build a super grocery store. (J. EDGAR HOOVER PHOTO)

CONWAY — The attorney representing Settlers Green has announced that Market Basket will be built this year.

Settlers Attorney Mick Lick of Sullunway & Hostess of Concord, attorney for Settlers Green, in a press conference call with Market Basket owner Mark Moolah said Tuesday that Settlers' long-running feud with the North Conway Grand Hotel is over.

"The hotel kept bringing us to court over and over, with pretend issues," said Lick. "Instead of playing their game, we chose to make them an offer they could not refuse."

Moolah explained that instead of fighting in courts, which are now closed due to the  COVID-19 outbreak, the grocery store chain simply bought the hotel property for a price he declined to disclose.

"The most rewarding part of this is we will be demolishing the hotel and building a super store right where the hotel used to be," said Moolah. "The demolition ceremony will be next week. Don't forget to bring helmet and goggles."

Lick added, "And sign a letter waiving all liability."

Moolah noted that with all the people stocking up on toilet paper, chicken and pasta sauce, thanks to COVID-19, the supermarket chain has plenty of money to buy the hotel out.

Settlers owner Robert Barstool said he's greatly relieved that Moolah didn't abandon the project in order to build elsewhere in Carroll County, where there are fewer litigious people and less burdensome regulations.

"In Market Basket's honor, we hoisted one of their signs onto the defunct hotel building," said Barstool. "Long live Market Basket."

Even the hotel owner is happy.

Owner Meena Man said that she used her newly acquired riches to relocate to the U.S. Virgin Islands.

"I have enough money to shop at Trader Moe's now," said Man with maniacal laughter before boarding her private helicopter.

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(1) comment

Dave Oedel

One of the best April Fools' Day media gags I've seen in years. Incidentally, good jokes have real-world relevance, and bite.

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