Manners and More: The new science of thank you [05/17/2008]

By Christine Kurtz-White

The following column is being rerun from the Dec. 1, 2007 issue of The Conway Daily Sun.It's really interesting to M&M that she was on the track of thinking how to deflect negative, critical, caustic whatever one would wish to label them comments that invariably come everyones way and, a good percentage of the time, are hurtful. Interesting because she came across an article in a recent Readers Digest titled How the New Science of Thank You Can Change Your Life." Some days you just want to stay in bed and hope the world forgets you exist, states the author.Dear Reader, has this ever happened to you? When things had not been going as you had planned and disappointment was dragging you down? Every human being surely must go through times like this would you agree? A fairly new acquaintance queried M&M on that very topic recently i.e., what does she do when it seems as though the whole world is against her and she seeks surcease from the agony of loss of confidence and a feeling of gloom and doom? She paused to think and acknowledged that she goes through such times but always seems to, literally, pop out of them quickly. Why? asked the acquaintance. Her response: "Because it hurts so much when people drive a dagger of evil so deeply that there is no where else to go but up unless I die first. Also, she came out of a family that laughed a lot and healed more quickly than the average person. Why? Because they valued their lives intensely and were so grateful for all the good things that happened. As the author stated, What if, instead of wallowing in our misery, we all chose to focus on being valued by a dear friend or (and these are M&Ms words) loved without limits by children and grandchildren and respected in the community? Deborah Norville, author of the book, "Thank You Power," writes, As science is now proving, feeling grateful can actually make us healthier, literally. Practicing gratitude, acknowledging the blessings in our lives and making it a point to recognize the good things can change us positively. Well sleep better and exercise more. Well feel more optimistic. Well be more alert and active.On the cautionary side, and M&M is reluctant to bring this to your attention, Dear Reader: Be aware of the people who cant quite make it over the edge and, to protect themselves, look for weak spots in others to boost their own egos. It is at times like this that your best defense is to step aside, removing the arrow of angers target, retreat and let things cool down. And be grateful that you have this capability, especially if you care about the archer and value your friendship. So, asks Norville, how do we use all this science of gratitude in our lives? All of the scientists who have been involved in the studies agree that the power of gratitude takes just a few minutes a day, but requires consistency and an open mind and dedication. They also agree that gratitude is a demanding quality, a rigorous quality. Its a discipline, an exercise that may not come easily but can be developed. M&M can attest to their comments. She has tried before, right at bedtime, to jot down three things that happened that day for which she is grateful. Norville: Anything that made you feel uplifted, that brought a smile to your face or your heart, or will contribute toward your future happiness, works. M&M has not always been consistent but is back on track now and has been for the past week and already notices the difference.Norville: The gratitude journal makes you look at life in a positive, concrete way, reminding you of its interconnectedness in a fast-paced, impersonal world and how much others add to the quality of your life. It forces you to focus on what went right instead of the inevitable things that went wrong. And it enhances your self-esteem.Try it today!