Manners and More: Are you minding your manners?

By Christine Kurtz-White

The following column is being reprinted from the Aug. 27, 2005 issue of The Conway Daily Sun.Here M&M was, starting to write this weeks column when what should arrive in the mail but a clipping of a New York Times article entitled A Minder to Mind Your Manners, very thoughtfully sent by a church friend.Of course, M&M had to stop everything and read it, actually, devour it, because it was, almost word for word, the mantra she had developed in the early 1980s when a friend challenged her to design and teach etiquette to children. And the very words she used to establish her mission were repeated in the article: Were coming full circle from the 1960s, when everybody was letting it all hang out and everybody was taking potshots at rules and defying authority.Now, M&Ms epiphany was 25 years ago and, although there was a surge of interest in developing childrens social graces, with a little stirring of the pot she discovered that adults were becoming aware of the need to polish their own self-images. It was an enterprising director of career services at a local university who contacted M&M and asked her to develop seminars and workshops on the art of dining and other niceties of etiquette so that students can be more presentable, and competitive, in the labor market. It didnt take long for word to spread about the training and M&M added other colleges to her roster of clients, even taking on the entire football team for one institution of higher learning!Furthermore, she was soon marketing etiquette classes to banks, corporations and community groups, in addition to offering private sessions to individuals. One private client turned up quite unexpectedly. She was on leave from her newly found career: an American teaching Japanese businessmen, in Japan, what to expect doing business with Americans in this country. She was anxious to refresh her skills in ordering a meal, selecting the proper flatware for each course, tipping and other nuances of the dining experience.Its interesting, yet difficult to explain, that the surge of interest in etiquette in the 1980s subsided somewhat, then resurfaced in the early 1990s and currently is enjoying a sort of renaissance, if not a neo-Victorian age, according to the doyennes of etiquette who also say more people want to learn manners because in many cases no one taught them at home.According to Dorothea Johnson, founder of the Protocol School of Washington in Maine, young people have spent so much time in front of a computer, they dont have any face-to-face skills. Theyre really challenged by small talk.It is apparent that Mireya Navarro, the reporter who wrote the story, did her homework well: Judging from the research, Americans can surely use the remedial training. National surveys routinely find that a majority of respondents view Americans as ever more unpolished and impolite. Loud cell-phone conversations, sloppy grammar in e-mail and annoyingly indifferent store clerks are just some of what draws complaints.The writer also claims that the populations increasing gaucheness has inspired a kind of backlash, creating a boom for those who claim to be able to cure the problem. She cites the TV show, "I Want to Be a Hilton," where it seems, people (she refers to them as rubes) from all walks of life are striving to be, if not fabulously rich, at least fabulously presentable. M&M believes this is a ridiculous stretch. She agrees with Ms. Navarro that knowledgeable etiquette teachers are not counselors qualified to deal with behavioral problems or to be surrogate parents to unruly children and teenagers.It is most heartening to know that the etiquette industry is alive and well; is, in fact, prospering. To develop people skills that help in easing the inevitable tensions of life, everyone wins.Christine Kurtz-White can be reached at kurtzwhite@adelphia.net.