Portland Beer Week is upon us (November 4-10), billed as “a series of events celebrating the craft beer industry in Maine.” With nearly 100 events, there are no shortage of opportunities to bypass the “celebrating” and end up stumbling drunk, issuing a stream of single-hopped grisette from your digestive tract into the gutter.
Want to enjoy PBW with a modicum of class and a minimum of puke? Tear out this handy survival guide and keep it handy during the festivities.
kAmkDEC@?8mwJ5C2E6]k^DEC@?8m |J CF=6 :D E@ 5C:?< 2 D6CG:?8 @7 H2E6C WE92EVD 2? g @K] 8=2DDX 7@C 6G6CJ D6CG:?8 @7 366C E@ 96=A >:?:>:K6 A@E6?E:2= 92?8@G6CD] q6D:56D[ 92G:?8 2 8=2DD @7 H2E6C @?\92?5 <66AD >6 7C@> D:AA:?8 366C C67=6I:G6=J[ @C @FE @7 D966C 3@C65@>] q6EE6C[ H2E6C <66AD J@FC A2=2E6 4=62? 2?5 DFAA=6[ D@ J@F 42? 36EE6C 2AAC64:2E6 E96 56=:4:@FD 366CD H6 92G6 :? |2:?6]k^Am
kAmkDEC@?8mz66A A@CE:@? D:K6D 5@H?]k^DEC@?8m (:E9 9F?5C65D @7 G2C:6E:6D @7 366CD :? 6G6CJ 4@?46:G23=6 DEJ=6[ E96C6VD =:EE=6 A@:?E :? A@F?5:?8 E96> 3J E96 A:?E] x7 E96J 2C6 2G2:=23=6[ ECJ E@ 86E D>2==6C D6CG:?8D] *@FV== 36 23=6 E@ D2>A=6 >@C6 G2C:6E:6D @7 366C[ 2?5 92G6 2 36EE6C 492?46 2E DE2J:?8 G6CE:42=]k^Am
kAmkDEC@?8m$E2CE =@H[ 8@ 9:89]k^DEC@?8m “!2=2E6 72E:8F6” 2?5 “@=724E@CJ 252AE2E:@?” 2C6 EH@ @7 E96 3:886DE E9C62ED E@ 2 8@@5 366C H66<] $:>A=J[ E96D6 2C6 H92E 92AA6?D H96? J@FC E@?8F6 2?5 J@FC ?@D6 364@>6 56D6?D:E:K65 E@ 7=2G@CD 2?5 2C@>2D @G6C E:>6] p 72E:8F65 A2=2E6 42?VE E6== @?6 x!p 7C@> 2?@E96C[ 2?5 2 72E:8F65 ?@D6 42?VE A:4< @FE E96 5:776C6?46D 36EH66? 366CD 27E6C 2 76H D?:77D] ~?6 DEC2E68J E@ 56762E E96D6 :D E@ DE2CE E96 6G6?:?8 5C:?<:?8 >:=56C 366CD[ 2?5 EFC? FA E96 962E 2D E96 E2DE:?8 8@6D @?] k^Am
kAmkDEC@?8mr964< J@FC pq']k^DEC@?8m $E2CE J@FC 6G6?:?8 H:E9 =@H6C 2=4@9@= 366CD =:<6 >:=5D[ 3C@H?D[ 2?5 @E96C “D6DD:@?” 366CD]k^Am
kAmkDEC@?8m|:?5 J@FC xq&]k^DEC@?8m w@AD 2C6 2 =625:?8 4F=AC:E :? 4C62E:?8 A2=2E6 72E:8F6] $E2CE 3J 6?;@J:?8 52C<6C 366CD W>2?J @7 H9:49 6>A92D:K6 >2=EJ 7=2G@CDX 62C=J :? E96 6G6?:?8[ 2?5 E96? 25G2?4:?8 E@ A2=6 2=6D[ x!p 2?5 5@F3=6 x!p =2E6C @?] k^Am
kAmkDEC@?8mu:?5 E9:?8D E@ >F?49 @?]k^DEC@?8m w:EE:?8 2 32C=6JH:?6 E2DE:?8 @? 2? 6>AEJ EF>>J :D 2 C@@<:6 >:DE2<6[ 2?5 2 DFC67:C6 E:4<6E E@ E96 G@>:E@C:F>] xV== 92G6 2 >@56DE >62= 367@C6 9625:?8 E@ 2 E2DE:?8[ 2?5 H:== D?24< =:36C2==J 5FC:?8] x 7:?5 AC6EK6=D 2C6 2? :562= D?24< 7@C 2 E2DE:?8] %96JVC6 =:89E 2?5 E2DEJ[ 2?5 E96 23F?52?E D2=E C6D6ED E96 A2=2E6 36EH66? D:AD]k^Am
kAmkDEC@?8m%2<6 J@FC E:>6]k^DEC@?8m $2G6 J@FC 49F88:?8 82>6 7@C 2?J @E96C H66<] q66C H66< :D 2 E:>6 E@ D=@H 5@H?[ 2?5 2AAC64:2E6 E96 F?:BF6 7=2G@CD 2?5 2C@>2D @7 |2:?6 366CD] |66E A6@A=6] %6== DE@C:6D] %2<6 E:>6 E@ D:A 2?5 D2G@CPk^Am
kAmkDEC@?8m|2I:>:K6 2C@>2]k^DEC@?8m |F49 @7 H92E H6 42== E2DE6 :D 24EF2==J D>6==] ~FC ?@D6 A=2JD 2? @FED:K65 C@=6 :? @FC 2AAC64:2E:@? @7 7=2G@CD[ D@ 8:G6 :E E96 36DE 4@?5:E:@?D A@DD:3=6] u:CDE[ 6?DFC6 J@FC 8=2DD :D?VE 7:==65 E@ E96 C:>] %9:D 9625 DA246 8:G6D E96 G@=2E:=6 4@>A@F?5D :? 2 366C E:>6 E@ 3F:=5 FA[ D@ J@F 42? :?92=6 E96:C 56=:4:@FD 2C@>2] $64@?5[ HC2A J@FC 92?5D 2C@F?5 J@FC 366C E@ H2C> :E D=:89E=J] %9:C5[ 8:G6 E96 366C 2 86?E=6 DH:C= E@ 96A DFDA6?5 E96 2C@>2D] {2DE[ E2<6 2 566A 9F77 @7 E92E 56=:89E7F= 2C@>2]k^Am
kAmkDEC@?8m#:56 D276=J]k^DEC@?8m %96C6VD ?@ 6I4FD6 E@ 5C:G6 :>A2:C65] &D6 2 C:56 2AA[ 42== 2 E2I:[ 56D:8?2E6 2 5C:G6C — H92E6G6C :E E2<6D] q66C H66< D9@F=5 36 2? @442D:@? @7 ;@J 2?5 46=63C2E:@?[ D@ =6EVD ?@E >2C :E H:E9 2 AC6G6?E23=6 244:56?E]k^Am
kAmkDEC@?8m!~#%{p}s qtt# (ttz #t|px}x}v t't}%$k^DEC@?8mk^Am
kAmkDEC@?8m%w&#$sp*[ }@G gk^DEC@?8mk^Am
kAm|t)xrp} w~!!* |tp{$ M t= #2J@[ ae uC66 $E M `` 2>k^Am
kAmqp%%{t ~u %wt q#t(t#* qp}s$ M !@CE=2?5 w@FD6 @7 |FD:4 M ac %6>A=6 $E M f\`` A>k^Am
kAmp{{pvp$w |*$%t#* qtt# }xvw% M vC62E {@DE q62C[ dc_ u@C6DE pG6 M d\h A>k^Am
kAmqp%$~} #x't# q#t(x}v U2>Aj sx$%x{{x}v {p&}rw M r6?EC2= !C@G:D:@?D[ c`c u@C6 $E M d\`_ A>k^Am
kAmq#x%$ p}s rwx!$ M u@F=>@FE965 qC6H:?8[ `d ~462? $E[ $@FE9 !@CE=2?5 M b A>k^Am
kAmux}qprz M w:89 #@==6C {@3DE6C[ `_c tI492?86 $E M d A>\4=k^Am
kAm%wt#t %~ wt#ti qtt# u#~| p(p* M $=23[ ac !C63=6 $E M `` 2>\4=k^Am
kAmstux}x%x't U2>Aj qp%%t#* $%tt{t %p! %pzt~'t# M }@D9[ ac !C63=6 $E M d A>k^Am
kAm}t( t}v{p}s %p! %~&# M r92G2= M dg !:?6 $E M d\`_ A>k^Am
kAm$&!t# $tr#t% |p$% {p}sx}v w~~%t}p}}* M |p!$[ ec |2C<6E $E M e\`_ A>k^Am
kAmrw~r~{p%t U2>Aj qtt# !px#x}v M !@CE=2?5 q66C wF3 M ba_ u@C6 $E M a\e A>k^Am
kAmr~uutt p}s s~}&%$…p}s qtt#P M ~=5 !@CE $A:C:ED 2?5 r:82CD M fh r@>>6C4:2= $E M `_ 2>\`aib_ A>k^Am
kAmup#| %~ v{p$$ (x%w |px}t up#|{p}s %#&$% M ~I3@H[ ch (2D9:?8E@? pG6 M d A>k^Am
kAm|p}y& q~*$ M {@?6 !:?6 qC6H:?8 2E |2>: M bbh u@C6 $E M d\h A>k^Am
kAmp!!{t$p&rts M %96 %9:CDEJ !:8 M bf tI492?86 $E M d A>k^Am
kAm#xvw% !#~!t# M }@G2C6 #6D[ c r2?2= !=2K2 M c A>–4=k^Am
kAmkDEC@?8muC:52J[ }@G hk^DEC@?8mk^Am
kAm$~&# !~(t# w~&# M %96 vC62E {@DE q62C[ dc_ u@C6DE pG6 M 2== 52J 2?5 ?:89Ek^Am
kAm~}t }xvw% x} %~(} M %96 %9:CDEJ !:8[ bf tI492?86 $E M eAk^Am
kAm$p$&vp }xvw% M ~I3@H[ ch (2D9:?8E@? pG6 M h A>k^Am
kAmqWC:E:D9XqW66CXrW2<6X M |p!$[ ec |2C<6E $E M e\`_ A>k^Am
kAmr&#{x}v p}s q#t( %~&# M (:==:2> q] %C@F39 x46 pC6?2[ aad !2C< pG6 M `_2\`ib_Ak^Am
kAm|p$~}’$ %p! %pzt~'t# M }@D9[ ac !C63=6 $E M d A>k^Am
kAmt't#*q~s* {~'t$ %wt $&}$wx}ti {2HD@?’D }6H qC6H6CJ $9@H42D6 M }@G2C6 #6D[ c r2?2= !=2K2 M c A>k^Am
kAmkDEC@?8m$p%&#sp*[ }@G `_k^DEC@?8mk^Am
kAm|px}t r#pu% qtt# r~p$%t#[ #@F?5 %C:A 7C@> q@DE@? E@ !@CE=2?5[ 56A2CED q@DE@? 2E hib_ 2>k^Am
kAm&z q#t(t#$’ q#&}rw U2>Aj &z qtt#$ ~} %p! M %96 %9:CDEJ !:8[ bf tI492?86 $E M `_ 2>–` A>k^Am
kAm(x}%t# $t$$x~} a_`gi |px}t q#t(t#$” v&x{s x}%t#}p%x~}p{ qtt# ut$%x'p{ M %9@>AD@?’D !@:?E M `\d A>k^Am
kAm$(tt! %wt ztvP M |p!$[ ec |2C<6E $E M c A>\4=k^Am
kAmzp#p~w\y (x%w {~}t !x}t M w@H:6’D !F3[ d_` (2D9:?8E@? pG6 M e A>k^Am
kAm$*}%wt$x$ #t{tp$t p}s sp}rt !p#%* M ~I3@H[ ad (2D9:?8E@? pG6 M h A>k^Am
kAmu:=>i k6>mq#t(|p$%t#k^6>m M $!prt[ dbg r@?8C6DD $E M c U2>Aj f A>k^Am
kAm(wt#t %wt (x{s qxt#$ p#t M }@G2C6 #6D[ c r2?2= !=2K2 M c A>k^Am
kAmkDEC@?8m$&}sp*[ }@G ``k^DEC@?8mk^Am
kAm+*|&#v* w~|t q#t( %~&# (^%wt |px}t q#t( q&$ M `_ib_2\bAk^Am
